A read-only archive of discourse.darkjedibrotherhood.com as of Sunday May 01, 2022.

[2015-01] Contract 026: Jorm Na’trej - Security, A-Class

AlaarRinn

Cloud City (Bespin)
Outer Rim Territories, Greater Javin


Hotel Suite 90210: Intel Briefing

Jorm was taking in the view outside the suite’s viewing bay… His focus was mainly on the pod racetrack that Cloud City officials had installed and what seemed to be a gladiator coliseum. Behind him, the imperial agents were busy discussing their tactics for the Pazaak tournament which had a considerable ‘buy in’ that would be nicely outweighed by the payback as long as they won second place. Anything less than second place, or if they lost entirely, some heads would definitely roll. That’s why there were three players, plus a security team.

“… meanwhile, Knight Na’trej will ensure that no Force influence is being used against us, and he’ll head the security team watching our backs. Any questions?”

Jorm winced, realizing they’d been discussing in-depth security stuff without him realizing it. If he asked questions now, he’d probably look like an incompetent dolt. Should be easy anyway. “Watch your backs, keep Forcies in check, try not to kill all the Muggles… oh and use discretion… that oughta cover it, right?” Jorm prattled off as he watched one of the slender women out his window. ‘I think I’m gonna really enjoy this assignment…’ he thought as he watched her make her way between buildings on the nearby catwalk.

“Right. That about covers it… let’s get to work,” said the agent in the suit and tie. The one in a leather coat got up and headed for the door with one of the girls in a really nice dress. Jorm breathed in her perfume as she walked passed him, “Yeah, let’s get to work.”


##Contract Datapad:

x://_Encrypted File
x://_Passcode accepted
x://_Fingerprint Authentic
x://_Identity Verified: Jorm Na’trej

Missions Details:

Dark Jedi Knight Na’trej,

Cloud City’s annual Pazaak tournament is galactically renowned for its lavish prizes and high profile VIPs. You will be part of the security detail for one of our agents who is attempting to win the main prize to fund our activities.

Good Hunting, Jorm.

Regards,
-DJK Calindra Hejaran,
Imperial Scholae Intelligence

Authorized Signature(s)
-Consul of Clan Scholae Palatinae-

###Parameters:

You will work undercover on the Imperial agents’ security detail while they work the Pazaak tables. Expect some tampering with their game, attempts to outright eliminate them from the competition (or worse).

Be discrete in your dealings as we don’t want anything to get traced back to the Clan, and remember that Cloud City has it’s own security force and that Pazaak players will normally have a security detail with them at all times. Most of them don’t have any qualms about shooting first and asking questions later (that’s assuming that they even care about asking questions).

##Attachments:
None

JormNatrej

A few quick pats on various pockets and holsters made sure he had his equipment on him. A ridiculously large Enforcer slugthrower rode on his right tigh, a vibroknife and his lightsaber were concealed on his person. Spare ammunition, a small first aid kit and painkillers were spread among his pockets. The combead in his ear transmitted the “Check!” calls of his team quietly but clearly.

Satisfied, Jorm grabbed his black leather swoopbiker jacket and donned it before he left the room. It was a fashion statement that it only had the left sleeve. Also a matter of subtlety; the sleeve and a glove Jorm just fished out of a pocket would cover up his tattoo. There would be a lot of security, scoundrels and shady people here; flying the shiny flag of a pirate fleet just wasn’t prudent. The other arm was completely bare. The Kiffar shot a quick look at his reflection in a tall window. Black asymmetric jacket, grey cargo pants, black boots, and his melee weapons didn’t print. As good as it gets he thought to himself as he untangled his braids from the collar.

A short turbolift ride brought them to the casino. It also gave Jorm a minute to draw his attention from the female player’s firm behind and seductive perfume and onto the task. They were here to make a fortune after all, so Jorm began thinking of that. His perpetual smile grew wider and colder. An agent had a look at him and quickly turned away with a shudder. The mundanes knew what they had to do, Jorm had no reason to speak to them much or guide their every move.

The moment they stepped from the lift and into the casino’s opulent foyer, Jorm started identifying the competition, sizing up their security details, and imagining the place stripped bare and sold to the highest bidder. The decorations alone could have paid for a medium freighter fresh off the yard. His new focus divided the world around him into friends, fortunes, and obstacles. And there were a lot of those here. Jorm felt his adrenaline rising.

Protecting his players wouldn’t be hard. The competition had brought their retinues, some meager, some large and impressive. Appearant family members, street gang members in suits and ex-military types, more exotic posses like four Wookiees and an all-female team which probably had not been chosen for combat skills alone judging by their tight and low-cut uniforms… but the casino’s own security force was also in place. Weapons were abundant. Only the actual players seemed to go without, they would be disarmed and rid of all technology anyway as soon as they got to the tables. Tournament policy. No matter how hard everybody tried to look, there would be no big fights today unless somebody screwed up on an astronomical scale. He left the physical protection duties to the other non-players of the team.

Jorm wandered between the ‘arena’ tables, purpose built for the annual tournament. Hanging over each of them was a calyx of polarized glass and scrambler antennae which would unfold and enclose the tables on each round - opaque from within, but transparent from the outside. The two players and the dealer on each table would be isolated for the duration of their game, a few minutes at a time, every twenty minutes. All around the ‘arena’ were more tables for the guests. They would see a lot of gambling too.

He left the tables alone and made a round through the audience. He had no interest in the matches himself. He only played Pazaak after Nar Shaddaa rules and with suitable company. If he wanted to gamble, Sabbacc was his chosen poison. This bunch however, dressed in several rainbow’s worth of color and in exotic and expensive tissues, was already giddy for the games to begin. Some dimwit with money for brains caught Jorm’s gaze, gulped, and went looking for an exit as the Knight dissected him with greedy eyes. Even counting all the guards, eighty percent of the people in this room where nothing but prey to him. Using the additional Sense the Force granted him, he felt around the hall and found nothing suspicious.

A discreet bell rang out. The Baron Administrator of Cloud City, the highest patron of the tournament, gave a short speech and officially opened the tournament. While all eyes were on him, Jorm pickpocketed a deck of Pazaak cards from one of the bystanders. Then he got himself a strong drink and a cigarra and settled down at a public table not too far from the restrooms and watched the first few rounds. Screens on the walls showed the next pairings. A few opponents of Jorm’s principals went to the restrooms during breaks; the Knight wasn’t shy to use his Telekinesis and smuggle a few extra Pazak Cards onto their persons as they went. Not being locked in a ferocious duel made it easy enough and greatly helped with his mental endurance. The sparingly used drink in his hand did too. During the next few rounds, several players were found with hidden cards and expulsed from the tournament. Jorm watched them and their retinues being escorted from the hall. Good start.

He played the card trick on a few more people. Then he pocketed the depleted deck and returned to strolling around. Checking the screens, he sought out the most cocksure prospective opponent and reached out through the Force. This time, he did not move anything, but reached for the Twi’lek’s mind and amplified his fears. The Terror application took few moments to kick in. Then the Twi’lek stopped telling jokes. His smile vanished seconds later. He started to look over his shoulder. Jorm didn’t have to wait for him to start fidgeting. Then came the sweat. He stammered something Jorm couldn’t hear over the room. His bodyguards tried to calm him and looked out for threts, but the now shaking and whining man had drawn a lot of attention onto himself. Seconds later he stormed out of the hall. He did not return for the next round and was disqualified. One of Jorm’s guys advanced a round uncontested. A few minutes later, another player had locked himself in the men’s restrooms and refused to come out. Another free win.

The tournament was down to eight players now. Jorm’s team was still in. Lucky bastards, and one lucky lady. Another subtle application of the Terror power made one of the other players bust out. These mundanes were seriously easy prey.

Semi-final round. Only one outsider still in, a Devaronian. He was playing against the lady. The two men of Jorm’s team were playing against each other and keeping up appearances. The outsider’s sidedeck contained one of those nifty cards which could change values. When they were in the third match of this round, Jorm mustered his Telekinesis one last time and flipped the card’s value as the Devaronian drew. Bust. Job done. The Devaronian lost his composure, screamed, gestured, argued, demanded a rematch, but to no avail. The cards had been played. The finalists were from Jorm’s team. The Devaronian left steaming, forfeiting the match for the third place.

Jorm hit himself with a stim from his First Aid Kit. He needed to be awake and aware for the celebration, which was thankfully short. It did not take long to collect the winnings and scaatter them into secure accounts, hooray for electronic money. He rejoined his team at the turbolift which carried them not back to the hotel suite, but directly to the hangar where a ship already awaited them, clered for take-off and engines running. As they walked up the ramp, the female player came up to him. “All this wasn’t dumb luck, was it?” Jorm wearily smiled down at her. “What is?”

AlaarRinn

Hi Jorm,

Alright, so it seems they need me to judge your contract after all…! Deeply sorry for the delay as we go through the contracts.

1st off, I think you painted a very nice setting. You went into a lot of detail with your descriptions, from the women and their perfume, to the luxurious setting and the way you described the tables and how they were being run. You drew your readers in with some very nice descriptive writing.

One that stood out for me was the ‘wolf in the middle of the flock of sheep’ description you gave of your character as he surveilled the casino:

He left the tables alone and made a round through the audience. He had no interest in the matches himself. He only played Pazaak after Nar Shaddaa rules and with suitable company. If he wanted to gamble, Sabbacc was his chosen poison. This bunch however, dressed in several rainbow’s worth of color and in exotic and expensive tissues, was already giddy for the games to begin. Some dimwit with money for brains caught Jorm’s gaze, gulped, and went looking for an exit as the Knight dissected him with greedy eyes. Even counting all the guards, eighty percent of the people in this room where nothing but prey to him. Using the additional Sense the Force granted him, he felt around the hall and found nothing suspicious.

Really well done.

###Syntax Issues
You did a really nice job with respect to the Syntax in my opinion. You had some stuff here and there, but I could tell you proofread your text and that it was a bit more polished. Good work…!


###Story/Realism Issues:
I liked how you exploited Jorm’s “Technically Legal and Dirty Fighter” aspects in this story. We can clearly see that the rules are meant to be bent with him, if not broken. We also see some nice Force Power use from your character sheet.

That said, what I would have liked to see is some conflict! It just felt too easy of a cakewalk.
You failed to explore the repercussions of cheating where you could have written in a “cat and mouse” game between you and Casino security, exploited other teams’ motivations to also cheat (especially near the end) and maybe even had them try to blatantly ‘knock off’ your own players. I understand that you weren’t supposed to be stirring outright trouble, but someone else from the other teams could have forced your hand, which would have made this story more interesting.

I honestly felt like you had made a really nice attempt at a setup; had managed to keep me interested, but then ultimately disappointed me when I saw that nothing went wrong…! This made your story a bit too one sided/dimensional in my opinion.


###Final Comments:
As expressed above, the one big flaw with your story is that you did not weave any conflict into your story. Otherwise, the story was nicely written, polished, and really well executed, but pushing the difficulty level for Jorm could have easily brought this story into the Superior category instead of just excellent…!

All in all, I think you’ve got a really nice story telling talent, and I truly do hope to see you write more often!

Well done!

Grade: Excellent (+3)
Point Modifier: A-Class =x1.25
Final Grade: 3.75 Points!

Calindra