[Competition] Eulogy for Tarax

Please refer to the competition page.

Note it does not start until the 28th Feb.

The great hall is filled with the members of Taldryan, creating a ring around the centre of the room, as he was in life he is in death, the centre of attention. The rarely sober Tarax is now one with the force, but his lifeless body remains. Armags takes a few steps forwards to give a short speech, and invites others to do so too…

Taldranites, it’s time to mourn\celebrate the passing of one Tarax Eosphoros Taldrya Kor. Help him transition into one with the force by helping piece together his eulogy one sentence at a time in a run-on.

Usual one sentence run-on rules, one sentence per post and posting twice in a row is prohibited.

I will place the opening sentence closer to the competition start date.

Tarax Eosphoros Taldrya Kor was our brother from another mother, listen to me know as I tell you a bit about him.

Our story takes place under a cold, dank bridge.

The odor of sweat and alcohol pervades the air.

I once saw his dick and he did NOT use nair

Twas I most fine dick I ever did spy

I had just woken up with a clouded memory and my ass was sore.

Somehow, in the back of my memory I remembered the old joke Tarax told, about whether I would like to go camping, and smiled.

He would take me to a dark forest, and ask me to close my eyes.

He sure did have a way of getting me to open my thighs

Though in my opinion, he was never particularly wise

No one gave a dick graze quite as well as he

But, I digress.

Tarax was a man with many talents.

He was skilled with his hands, his mouth, his feet, and other appendages.

His love left my arse with many hemorrhages.

None of this makes sense, but never did you.

Of all the 800 gigs of porn Tarax owned, his proudest video in the collection would make a rhino breeder blush in shame.

I once watched him eat 6 baby pandas in one sitting

He stared at Howlander the whole time he ate too.

The amount of eye contact was extremely uncomfortable to behold.

Then Tarax grabbed Howie’s “napkin” and began to fold.

He folded that “napkin” with all his might, twas a wonderful sight

Alas, despite mass consumption of alcohol, I cannot purge myself of that night.

He wasn’t a smart man, as shown in his last fight.

He was however, a lovely footstool.

Just…not in the way you expect a footstool to actually work.

And so he Twerked

I remember the time I kissed him.

It was to protect him from the poisonous air surrounding us on the battlefield, and he made a wisecrack about my green goatee.

Alas, it would be the last.

As he was taken from us to early in life in possibly the most humiliating way.

You see, as I said early, he was a wonderful footstool, but that talent is what eventually took him from us.

For he of bearded tomes and gnashing teeth hath wished to rest his weary feet.

There was of course no greater a servant to Taldryan than Tarax, and he gladly prostrated himself before the august and amazing Keirdagh.

But you should of heard what he use to say behind Yacko’s back.

“The bigger the beard, the greater the weird.”

Yup, and sometimes he’d even be daft enough to say it to Yacks face.

I once even heard him tell Yacko that his beard looked effeminate.

But Yacko always knew what sort of man was behind the idiocy, and just smiled.

Smiled while he lovingly stroke that wondrous beard.

Tarax taught me how to love a woman and also how to scorn a child.

His links on IRC showed me the thin line between pleasure and spasm-inducing shock.

I still recall the spinning of meat.

See you later, space twerkstool.

for you Tarax were a one in a million, may your force ghost forever thrust us in our dreams…

If I had a penis for every wonderful link he posted…well I’d have a bunch of penises (peni?)

The pr0n will be with you Tarax, always.

…God, we all know your ghost is going to be staying here, before you possess the body of some beautiful boy…You are coming back, and here we are wasting our time. Thanks, Tarax.