A read-only archive of discourse.darkjedibrotherhood.com as of Sunday May 01, 2022.

[Competition] Eulogy for Tarax

Armags

Please refer to the competition page.

Note it does not start until the 28th Feb.


The great hall is filled with the members of Taldryan, creating a ring around the centre of the room, as he was in life he is in death, the centre of attention. The rarely sober Tarax is now one with the force, but his lifeless body remains. Armags takes a few steps forwards to give a short speech, and invites others to do so too…

Taldranites, it’s time to mourn\celebrate the passing of one Tarax Eosphoros Taldrya Kor. Help him transition into one with the force by helping piece together his eulogy one sentence at a time in a run-on.

Usual one sentence run-on rules, one sentence per post and posting twice in a row is prohibited.

I will place the opening sentence closer to the competition start date.

Armags

Tarax Eosphoros Taldrya Kor was our brother from another mother, listen to me know as I tell you a bit about him.

HalcyonRokir

Our story takes place under a cold, dank bridge.

TalonDrear

The odor of sweat and alcohol pervades the air.

AidenDru

I once saw his dick and he did NOT use nair

Kyber

Twas I most fine dick I ever did spy

Raistline

I had just woken up with a clouded memory and my ass was sore.

KeirdaghCantor

Somehow, in the back of my memory I remembered the old joke Tarax told, about whether I would like to go camping, and smiled.

Armags

He would take me to a dark forest, and ask me to close my eyes.

AidenDru

He sure did have a way of getting me to open my thighs

Kyber

Though in my opinion, he was never particularly wise

AidenDru

No one gave a dick graze quite as well as he

KenathZoron

But, I digress.

TalonDrear

Tarax was a man with many talents.

KenathZoron

He was skilled with his hands, his mouth, his feet, and other appendages.

OmegaKira

His love left my arse with many hemorrhages.

Artorias

None of this makes sense, but never did you.

Raistline

Of all the 800 gigs of porn Tarax owned, his proudest video in the collection would make a rhino breeder blush in shame.

AidenDru

I once watched him eat 6 baby pandas in one sitting

BobeccVarga

He stared at Howlander the whole time he ate too.

KeirdaghCantor

The amount of eye contact was extremely uncomfortable to behold.

Armags

Then Tarax grabbed Howie’s “napkin” and began to fold.

AidenDru

He folded that “napkin” with all his might, twas a wonderful sight

SeydaNorith

Alas, despite mass consumption of alcohol, I cannot purge myself of that night.

BobeccVarga

He wasn’t a smart man, as shown in his last fight.

Artorias

He was however, a lovely footstool.

Kyber

Just…not in the way you expect a footstool to actually work.

OmegaKira

And so he Twerked

Artorias

I remember the time I kissed him.

KeirdaghCantor

It was to protect him from the poisonous air surrounding us on the battlefield, and he made a wisecrack about my green goatee.

HalcyonRokir

Alas, it would be the last.

Armags

As he was taken from us to early in life in possibly the most humiliating way.

KenathZoron

You see, as I said early, he was a wonderful footstool, but that talent is what eventually took him from us.

HalcyonRokir

For he of bearded tomes and gnashing teeth hath wished to rest his weary feet.

KeirdaghCantor

There was of course no greater a servant to Taldryan than Tarax, and he gladly prostrated himself before the august and amazing Keirdagh.

Armags

But you should of heard what he use to say behind Yacko’s back.

TalonDrear

“The bigger the beard, the greater the weird.”

AidenDru

Yup, and sometimes he’d even be daft enough to say it to Yacks face.

KenathZoron

I once even heard him tell Yacko that his beard looked effeminate.

KeirdaghCantor

But Yacko always knew what sort of man was behind the idiocy, and just smiled.

Armags

Smiled while he lovingly stroke that wondrous beard.

AidenDru

Tarax taught me how to love a woman and also how to scorn a child.

TalonDrear

His links on IRC showed me the thin line between pleasure and spasm-inducing shock.

Artorias

I still recall the spinning of meat.

SeydaNorith

See you later, space twerkstool.

Armags

for you Tarax were a one in a million, may your force ghost forever thrust us in our dreams…

AidenDru

If I had a penis for every wonderful link he posted…well I’d have a bunch of penises (peni?)

TalonDrear

The pr0n will be with you Tarax, always.

Artorias

…God, we all know your ghost is going to be staying here, before you possess the body of some beautiful boy…You are coming back, and here we are wasting our time. Thanks, Tarax.

KeirdaghCantor