[December Pilot] Contract 068: Revs - Assassination, A-Class

ACB Office
Arcona Citadel
Selen

The Rollmaster sighed as he read over the latest low priority contract that had come across his desk. On the other side of the office Celevon was talking to his apprentice, by the back wall Lilly and Jade were quietly chatting about something. The Krath waited for several moments before he cleared his throat.

“Edraven I’m borrowing your apprentice for a task,” the Priest spoke loudly enough to interrupt the Prelate and Guardian.

“Well go on then Revs,” the Ondoronian muttered after several heartbeats had passed.

“Yes Master,” Revs said as he stood only to have the datapad containing his assignment stop its collision course millimeters from the Guardians nose. Recovering quickly, the Miraluka took the datapad in hand and activated the device.

Power on
Loading Files
Decrypting Files
Opening Sound File

Guardian Revs, The office of the ACB has received a request from Krintu Kava. Mr. Kava is a private citizen here on Selen. The request was to kill his own son Strintu Kava. The father’s reasons for this were not stated in the request and neither was where his son is currently located at. You are to meet Mr. Kava in Kincaid’s Pub in the lower districts of Estle City. Once you have ascertained the location of his son you are to carry out Mr. Kava’s request. Good Hunting Guardian.

Close Sound File
Open Dossier File: Strintu Kava
Spoken version: Active

Name: Strintu Kava
Age: 20
Gender: Male
Race: Twi’lek
Distinguishing marks: light purple skin, tribal face tattoos
Affiliation: none
Classification: Kill on sight
Notable Skills: pick pocketing
Intel: No further intelligence was provided for this target other than he dishonored his family. The DIA is not willing to commit any resources to this matter.

Close Dossier File: Strintu Kava
Close All Files
Power Off

Contract Status: Defaulted

~ Contract has defaulted as fourteen days have elapsed. Should the member wish to continue and reactivate their contract, please contact the ACB Staff.

Grade: Satisfactory (+2)

Grading Spree. I’ll save the summary for the end. Also, disregard the post that says Revs defaulted. I was unaware at the time that he had submitted his contract to the submission area of the site.

He sat at the back of the bar observing the other patrons pitifully.

This… does not make sense to me.

Stretching out with his senses the young Miraluka could feel the moods of the patrons around him.

This is one example I can use, since I won’t go over it again in this grading. You missed a comma here. Below is how this sentence should read:

‘Stretching out his senses, the young Miraluka could feel the moods of the patrons around him.’

The man stood straight and tall. wearing a blue business suit that said all to well he made to much money to frequent this place.

In this case, you used a period rather than a comma. You also used ‘too’ in the wrong spelling. Below, you will find how this sentence should look:

‘The man stood straight and tall, wearing a blue business suit that said all too well that he made too much money to frequent this place.’

As he scanned the ber the Twi’leks eyes fell on Revs sitting alone at the back of the bar, and started to make his way over.

Since I went over the comma issue earlier, there should be an apostrophe on Twi’lek’s

Also: Bar

“The one the contract bureau sent?” The young Sith interrupted impatiently. “Yes, and I’m drinking Whiskey to answer your next question. Go get our drinks then come sit down.” he comanded.

There’s no reason I can see for whiskey to be capitalized. Commanded is missing a second ‘m’.

The contractor seemed to be taken back by the Miralukas bluntness, but quickly turned to go get the drinks.

This should be ‘taken aback’

“Thats better.” stated Revs. “But if im going to deal with your issue then Im going to need more details on the target.”

*I’m

it would appear non the more his own fault.” the Twi’lek instructed. “Here this datapad has his address, and everything you need to know.”

I’m assuming this ‘nothing more than his own fault’ is autocorrect issue.

Revs was careful not to wake his deader or his girlfriend as he replaced the medicine in the nightstand, and slipped out the window into the night.

Continuity issue here. You wrote ‘Deader’ in the capitalized version earlier and had it lowercased here.

He approached the young human woman, who stood beside the ambulance crying.

Human should always be capitalized in the Star Wars Universe.

This contract was well written and I can see definite improvement from your previous contracts. Not bad at all, considering that you aren’t using a pc or laptop for this. Keep an eye on your commas, apostrophes and spellings. Same deal with continuity. Otherwise, very well done. I judge this as a Satisfactory.