A read-only archive of discourse.darkjedibrotherhood.com as of Sunday May 01, 2022.

[Garza Presents] Grant a Wish!


You are a Space Wizard and get to grant the wish of the post above you! But you are only an apprentice and make some mistakes. Post your wish in the Discord thread and let the hilarity begin!

This is how you play:

You read the wish in the post above you and reply with “Granted but…”. + your own wish.


  • Previous post: I wish I had 1 billion dollar!

Granted but you can only spend it on paperclips.

I wish I had a car.

Some basics rules: Each person cannot post back-to-back, but must wait for someone else to post before he can reply. Feel free to submit as many replies as you want.

The winner will be chosen according to creativity and hilarity, and no Clusters of Ice will be awarded for participation.


I’ll start off:

I wish that I had never-ending wishes


Wish Granted, But you can only wish for things that have the same first letter as your name.

I wish I had $1,000,000


Granted, but due to lack of clarity, you are granted $1,000,000 Guyanese dollars (worth approximately $4,828 USD).

I wish I had a functional X-Wing.


Wish Granted! But your understanding of the operation of the X-Wing is minimal, you crash within the first ten minutes.

I wish that I had a Soda.


Wish Granted! But colloquial definitions change per region and you are given Pop instead.

I wish that I had Sushi.


Wish Granted! but due to lack of context you are given the fully alive and not so happy “Nami” from ‘League of Legends’

I wish I wasn’t sick anymore.


Granted, but you have to give your sickness to 2,000,000 other people.

I wish I could fly!


Granted, but you will have to carry 340 passengers on your back and fly them from Chicago O’hare to Dublin three times a week.

I wish I had a big thermostat with which I controlled the weather!


Wish Granted! But any changes to the weather you make, you cannot reverse, and for changing the weather too much you are dubbed a witch and burned at the stake in modern day america.

I wish i had a '69 GTO Judge.


Wish granted! But it breaks down every five miles.

I wish I had 20,000 RP (Riot Points) to spend on League of Legends (the game).


Granted! But you can only buy skins for characters you will never play.

I wish I a job that paid 1,000,000.00


Granted, but you are paid in 1,000,000 sheep that you can only trade for wood.
I wish I had 80 puppies.


granted but none of them like you.

I wish the Star Wars movies keep improving the story and the fun of the series.


Granted, but every movie has Gungans and a 40 minute podracing sequence.

I wish I had an R2 unit.


Granted, but it comes with a bad motivator.

I wish I had a pet Gizka.


Wish Granted! But it constantly eats your electrical wiring for your computer, yum!

I wish I had unlimited Ice Cream!


Granted but now you can’t get around without a scooter.

I wish Pravus’s ship would crash.


Wish granted! But it crashes into your favorite restaurant.

I wish I had a teleportation device


Granted but it always brings you back to your desk to do paperwork.

I wish this fun wouldn’t stop.


Granted, but you didn’t identify what “fun” was so you are sentenced to an eternity of Jedi lectures and aren’t allowed to harm anyone.

I wish Turel would finish painting the House.


Granted but it’s the color you hate most.
I wish I had unlimited supply of chocolate.


Granted, but it comes in the form of fondant.

I wish I had a new PC


Granted but it’s a Mac and no new video game will run on it.

I wish Blade gets unlimited sushi :slight_smile:


Granted but it’s all gas station sushi.

I wish I had more shoes


Grants but that are all 6 inch stiletto heels.

I wish COU would win the next 10 GJW’s!


Wish granted, but you are killed by a rogue miner who collapses your home into his cave.

I wish we could train Juna to not bite random new people.


granted but she bites random old people instead.
I wish I could control time.


Wish granted, but you can never change anything that has already happened in the past, no matter how hard you try.

I wish I could have a bottomless bag of Snack-its.


Wish Granted! But, you can not reach the bottom of the bag.

I wish for 100 wishes!


Granted but they all have to be the previous wish you made

I wish for a boatload of pretty ladies


Granted but you can never be on the boat.
I wish I lived in an anime.


Granted, but you discover that you already did!

I wish light side oatcakes tasted as good as dark side cookies.


Granted, but they all give you mind-shredding diarrhea.

I wish Star Wars canon had better birds.


Granted, but all they do is purposely try to defecate on your head.

I wish that Alethia would finally kiss Mar, her boyfriend she never admits she likes.


Granted but she becomes like a love sick schoolgirl and can’t get any work done.
I wish I knew what to wish for.


wish granted but it can only be for idiotic things


i wish for an otter


Wish Granted! But it won’t stay out of the toilet.
I wish for it to stop raining EVERYDAY! ^.^


wish granted but insted it hails everyday!

i wish for my otter to dislike toilets!


Wish Granted! But, now the otter has learned how to turn on the tub water and is constantly turning it on.

I wish my work day was over.


wish granted but now you have been selected to save a planet

i wish i could be in the anime RWBY


Granted but you’re only mentioned and never appear onscreen.

I wish I could be a penguin


Granted, but you can only move on your belly

I wish I could turn invisible


Granted but you become blind as well.

I wish I came up with this idea.


granted but for lack of clarity you have come up with and absolutely terrible idea

I wish for wold peace


Granted, but it’s because everyone was wiped out by war.

I wish the trains would run on time


granted but now they only crash into the station on time

i wish for everyone to have a home and food


Granted and now everyone lives with you and eats your food.

I wish they would reboot the Star Wars movies.


granted but it uses everyone who originally played in them including the skeletons of the actors

i wish that everyone has a good life


Granted but everyone receives the weezer song good life

I wish people would play more HotS


granted but everyone asks very personal questions

i wish for a loving corgi


granted but it doesn’t love you.

I wish Turel would become GM!


granted but now he is senile

i wish for happiness to all


Granted but you must now hop on one foot everywhere you go!

I wish for Ed to become Fist


Granted but the GM only allows Ed to enable clusters for pazaak.

I wish that there was unlimited zeltron cookies.


Granted, but they may not have the desired effect.

I wish for Galactic Peace


Granted but now everyone is drunk and gambles

I wish for someone to find the light in their heart and turn away from the darkside


Granted, but they must hula-hoop two hours every day.

I wish for better pay


granted but they pay you in unusable currency.

I wish Len was Consul


granted but Len is only allowed to wave a magical fairy wand and shout “For the Empire!”

I wish that Hoth was warmer.


Granted but with it comes Galactic Warming

I wish Kappa was here


Granted and it comes full armed and ready to defeat the enemies of COU.

I wish for chocolate syrup


Granted, but it’s a hot tub full of chocolate syrup and lounging Wookiees.

I wish for a dance party.


Granted, but the only song is the Macarena.

I wish for some mac and cheese


Granted, but the sauce is thin and watery.

I wish for good sleep


Granted, but you don’t remember sleeping.

I wish the days and nights were longer