[Life Day 2019] Grant a Wish

It’s Life Day and things are busy for the Tree of Life. So they’ve made you one of their helpers and let you grant the wish of the post above you! But you are only an apprentice and make some mistakes. Post your wish in this Discord thread and let the hilarity begin!

This is how you play:

You read the wish in the post above you and reply with “Granted but…”. + your own wish.

Example:

Previous post: I wish I had 1 billion dollar!

Your post: Granted but you can only spend it on paperclips. I wish I had a car.

Some basics rules: Each person cannot post back-to-back, but must wait for someone else to post before he can reply. Feel free to submit as many replies as you want.

The winner will be chosen according to creativity and hilarity, and no Clusters of Ice will be awarded for participation.

Kicking this off, I wish I had sushi.

Granted, but its only wasabi rolls. I wish I had more lightsabers.

Granted, however they are but the size of chopsticks. I wish we had more pie.

Granted, but there is nothing in the pie.

I wish for DVDs to make a come-back.

Granted but they now consist of nothing but Kirk Cameron movies.

I wish I could fly.

Granted, but you cannot hug the wind. I wish I had more pets

Granted, but they are all rakghouls. I wish I had a new starfighter.

Granted, but the starfighter only runs on a bugged out version of flight simulator 2000. I wish I had an army of doges.

Granted, but they ignore every single thing you say. I wish that I had more time to write.

Granted, but you always suffer from writer’s block. I wish I had a better memory.

Granted but the memories only last 24 hours.

I wish I could go to Toche Station to get more power converters.

Granted, but the Empire kills your family.

I wish I could hit a Womp Rat in my T-16.

Granted, but you do so by ploughing the T-16 into the rat in a suicide run.

I wish for the Imperial March to start playing whenever I walk into a room.

Granted but its played by kazoos.

I wish all dresses had pockets.

Granted, but they are filled with dry cement.

I wish my microwave could clear itself.

Granted but it has legs and arms that randomly swing at you.

I wish I for 2 number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda.

Granted, but it all was made in a back alley from the remains of a few cats and an old tweaker.

I wish for a pair of pants that, when worn, give you your ideal body.

Granted, but it only applies to any one part.

I wish I did not have to work this week.

Granted, but you have to spend it watching Lifetime movies with senior women.

I wish that senpai would notice me.

Granted, but maybe your blade skills must be better than the their own.

I wish I had snow this Christmas.

Granted, but it’s all wet and yellow.

I wish my tree wouldn’t shed its needles.

Granted. It has no needles to begin with.

I wish winter would stop being a monsoon season in the UK.

Granted, but Ireland and the UK swap GDP’s.

I wish for an end to missing left socks.

Granted but you lose all your left gloves.

I wish for a sequel to Jedi Fallen Order

Granted but it’s about continuously running for you life from whom must not be named! (Keeping Spoiler Free) I wish to have snow to built snowmen!

Granted, but it’s 40 meters high and buries the entire country for three days. I hope you are good at digging tunnels.

I wish that Discord had a better interface.

Granted, but push to talk is no longer supported.

I wish for unlimited power!

Granted but they are AA batteries that never die. I wish for a bigger house to put a 65" TV in.

Granted but the tv can only play soap operas.

I wish for for an end to the monstrosity known as cheese nips.

Granted, but they are soon replaced by the greater threat of the cream nips.

I wish that 2020 was better than 2019.

Granted, but you have to babysit all of Odan-Urr’s children. I wish that I didn’t have a cold.

Granted, but you can only drink orange juice.
I wish that me buying a new car will not become a mistake

Granted, it works perfectly as a car but it is bereft of AC.
I wish that the Imperial March played whenever I walked into a room.

Granted, but it can barely be heard.

I wish for 100 dollars acquired legally.