A read-only archive of discourse.darkjedibrotherhood.com as of Sunday May 01, 2022.

[November Pilot] Contract 049: Kookimarissia Mimosa-Inahj - Undercover, B-Class


Commissioner’s Office, Antei Contract Bureau Offices
Dungeon, Arcona Citadel, Estle City
Selen, Dajorra System
0922 Hours

The Onderonian rubbed his temples, glancing over at the caf pot in a contemplative manner.

“Stop looking at the empty caf pot. You already brewed and emptied it. Twice,” the Krath pointed out without looking up from the datapad that had popped out of the machine mere minutes before.

Celevon glared across the large room at Sight. “You know… comments like that make me want to have the wall between our offices rebuilt. If I wanted someone to look after me and scold me for drinking excessive amounts of caffeine, I would get married again.”

“Speaking of females that prod us into behaving and complain about your smoking habit… where are Lilly and Jade?” the Priest queried with a frown as he glanced back and forth.

“They went out for ‘Ladies’ Night’ last night,” the Obelisk replied, making finger-quotes. “I decided not to ask. I’m quite certain that they stumbled in and passed out only a few hours ago. Closing time here is zero-four hundred hours on the dot.”

“Ah,” Nortorshin nodded, his scarlet gaze returning to the datapad before him.

A gentle knock came at the door the moment Celevon lit a cigarette.

“Come in!”

The door swung open on silent hinges as the newly promoted Priestess walked in, giving her Commander a smile of greeting before glancing at the door. The question in Kookimarissia Mimosa-Inahj’s gaze was clear to the Shadicar.

“Leave it open and come have a seat,” the Obelisk murmured as he put out the cigarette for the female’s benefit.

“Good morning, Celevon. It’s been suggested that one come to these offices for a mission.”

“Have you been cleared for duty? I have yet to see that report come across my desk,” Celevon commented mildly, arching an eyebrow at his friend.

“The hardcopy is on your desk in your office at Headquarters. I brought a copy with oneself for proof,” Kooki explained, handing over the file with the certification emblem on every page. She resisted the urge to twitch impatiently as the Battleteam Leader skimmed through the file with a practiced eye.

The Prelate resisted the urge to smirk, enjoying the way his subordinates always began to twitch when he read their medical reports. His practice of permanently benching members who submitted false reports was well-known, despite it having only happened twice. Finally, he looked up. “Looks good.” His lips twitched at the release of tension from his friend’s shoulders. “What kind of work are you looking for, Kooki?”

“Undercover,” the Sorceress replied without a moment of hesitation.

Celevon nodded. “And you’re aware that you may have to kill in order to maintain your cover?”

“You taught me that,” the Alderaanian retorted with narrowed eyes.

“Very well. Nortorshin, toss me an Undercover contract,” the Obelisk snatched the datapad from the air, as the albino had flung it as soon as his name had left Celevon’s lips. “Thank you. Here you go.”

Kookimarissia took the datapad in her grasp, activating it with a twitch of her finger.

Mission: Undercover, B-Class
Target: Headquarters of Pandalé Industries - Coronet, Corellia
Specifics: Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to infiltrate the Company at the location provided and destroy it from within. You should accomplish this by any means necessary. You will be provided with a disguise kit and Deep-Cover Alias, as well as a Covert Operations weapons kit for this mission. The only true stipulation is that the CEO, one Raslak Myflax, perish with the failure of his company.
Suspected Resistance: So long as you maintain your cover throughout your mission, there should be little to no trouble. The moment you are safely out of the location and away from prying eyes, discard the disguise and burn your paperwork. A different D-CA (Deep-Cover Alias) will be located at a Dead-Drop nearby along with the necessary funds to purchase a ticket back to the Dajorra System.

The Priestess took a deep breath before looking up at the Commander of Arête, her immediate superior. “It will be done.”

“Good. Speak to me upon your return. Remember: Failure is not an option,” the Onderonian spoke the last softly.

The Krath stiffened to attention, recognizing the harsh expression from the period of her training. A small smirk curved her full lips as she remembered that it was the Prelate’s manner of showing that he cared for his members. “Have no fear. You taught me everything I know about this, remember?”

As soon as the door swung shut behind her, Sight raised a pale eyebrow. “Did you train your members to be soldiers or operatives?”

The Shadicar merely glared in response, lighting the remains of his cigarette from earlier.


Contract Status: Reactivated

~ This contract has been reactivated at the member’s request.


Outside the Commissioner’s Office, Antei Contract Bureau Offices
Dungeon, Arcona Citadel, Estle City
Selen, Dajorra System

0952 Hours

Kooki left Celevon’s office and began re-reading her contract, outlining her latest mission. She was already experiencing mixed feelings about her initial ACB task.

Now sat down, just outside the slightly claustrophobic, and seemingly stuffy office belonging to her Onderonian friend, she could actually concentrate.

The Alderaanian was slightly reluctant at the thought of venturing to Corellia again. It had been a long time. By now it would all be forgotten about, or better, still concealed.

Skimming through more in-depth, Kooki made another shattering discovery.


The name echoed in the back of her mind.

Mother was a Myflax. Could this person be related? Blood is thicker than water after all.

Kooki began to wonder if she could possibly kill a distant member of her own family. The female’s head was a negative trove of questions, doubts and fears.

Would she blame Celevon? Would it even count, as she knew very little about her extended family? They wouldn’t even recognise her. Or her, them. Or it could just all be an uncanny coincidence.

A short time later…

Mimosa-Inahj Lodgings, Arcona Citadel, Estle City
Selen, Dajorra System

1032 Hours

Poppelia and Etholie de-latched from their mother’s breasts and were soon in a deep slumber. She placed them into the same basket, since neither twin was liking being away from the other.

Once she had expressed an ample amount of breastmilk into bottles, Kooki stored them in the conservator and began rummaging through the disguise kit she had received from Celevon.

The Alderaanian female began getting surges of adrenaline and was very excited to be embarking on another mission. She dressed herself into her new attire of a pair of tight black leather leggings, a red corset tightened with black ribbon, and this was finished off with a mid-length white leather jacket. Now came an emotionally hard part. Since her purple tips made her very recognisable, Kooki was having to change it. She found a mysterious and unlabelled container of hair dye, which luckily was labelled ‘temporary.’ The Qel-Droman nervously applied the liquid into even streaks throughout her long black strands.

What colour had her friend chosen for her?

After a nervous space of time had elapsed, the female washed and dried her hair out of sight of a mirror. Once this ritual had been completed, she pulled on some knee-length furry boots and placed her trusty DH-17 inside the left one. Being ambidextrous went in her favour, since a large majority of people expected her to fight with her right hand. A simple, yet sneaky manoeuvre. Just as the Priestess turned to leave, she caught sight of her new hairstyle out of the corner of her eye.

What the frak? It’s……BLUE!!

The more she looked at her bright blue streaks, the more Kooki seemed to like them. As much as she deeply missed her significant purple tips, the blue was quite attractive. Andrelious seemed to be a little less fond. She said farewell to her spouse, who was tending to the twins whilst their mother was away on her latest mission. This one was deemed unsuitable for her daughters to accompany her. As much as she would miss them, it was the right decision.

An hour passed….
Exact location unknown, Hyperspace, en-route to Corellia
1228 Hours

Kookimarissia clutched the envelope tightly with slightly clammy hands, which began to tremble. Now on the anonymous shuttle to Corellia, she could finally open it and reveal her new alias for the next couple of weeks. Ripping apprehensively, yet excitedly at the gummed paper that sealed her fate, the female pulled out an identity card.

Relena Kutwol, Insurance Associate
Pandalé Industries HQ

Smiling to herself, and thinking of those she had left behind, Kooki’s eyelids began to grow heavy. Before long the Krath was sound asleep…

“Kookicake just remember us Mimosas stick together no matter what. Just like the stars do.”

It had been an emotional day, full of childlike questions being fired at two young parents. But the young girl nodded at her doting father as she began to snuggle into bed.

“As do the Myflax side. Blood is thicker than water” chorused the female next to him.

The sleepy child nodded once more, but at her mother and was soon fast asleep.

The scene quickly dissolved and changed…

“Please Kooki…. End my pain….Blood is thicker…than…water” stuttered the elderly and senile woman, as the Silicartha began to enter her system.

Again the scene changed and was soon just a dark night, with an equally dark shadow dragging and depositing a lifeless body into a deserted reservoir. The splash echoed eerily in the silent night.

“Blood is thicker than water” the ‘murderer’ whispered, before turning away emotionlessly.

Her footsteps thudded as she made her escape.

A sudden jolt awoke the Priestess. Kooki was back, yet sweat was trickling from her brow.

She breathed a heavy sigh, wiped her forehead and disembarked the unknown shuttle and prepared for infiltration.

Launch pad area, Corellia
1445 Hours

Looking around, Kooki felt a strong sense of unease. Corellia hadn’t changed all that much since she was last here. That was a few decades ago now. She sincerely hoped this company was not near to a certain body of water.

Aparthotel Schlafend, Coronet, Corellia
1530 Hours

After much searching, pacing up and down nameless streets, ‘Relena’ found her way to her new lodgings for the upcoming fortnight. Approaching the entrance, the disguised female heaved a sigh and waltzed in, with an aura of confidence and sophistication surrounding her.

A slightly feminine woman was working the reception desk, who looked up upon the entrance of almost her polar opposite.

“Can I help you miss?” she enquired.

“Indeed you can. I believe I have a reservation booked.” She carefully responded, ensuring her usual linguistic mannerisms were omitted from conversation.

“Name?” The fair-haired female asked.

"Relena Kutwol,” she responded.

Scanning through the electronic list of names, the correct reservation was finally found.

“Here we go miss. Room 4.25. Enjoy your stay with us. Oh, before you find your room, please scan your thumbprint into our system, so you can come and go and use the turbolift at all hours.”

The blue and black haired female grabbed the room card and completed the task required of her. Slightly puzzled she queried the unusual room number.

“Room 4.25? How does that work exactly?”

The female opposite her sighed, having been asked this numerous times.

“Simple. Floor four. Room 25.” She replied, almost robotically.

‘Relena’ headed for the turbolift and pressed the necessary buttons which responded immediately, illuminated and took her to her required location.

Once on the fourth floor, the Priestess soon realised odd numbers were on the left hand side of the corridor, and even ones on the right. In the search for her room she noticed an oddity. The odd numbered side went from room eleven to fifteen.

Frakking triskaidekaphobic Corellians.

From the little she remembered from her grandparents, ‘Relena’ could remember their silly superstitions.

Pressing her thumb onto a door entry system and swiping her card, the Krath gained entry to her room for the duration of her stay. Celevon had chosen a more than adequate location. She was already starting to miss the twins greatly, yet as they were old enough to be away from her for a while and had plenty of expressed mummy milk, she wasn’t too upset. With that, ‘Relena’ made the most of the situation and got an early night. Tomorrow would be the start of a difficult fortnight.

The following morning, the undercover female woke slightly later than usual, despite her early night. All excited, she put on her new attire and put her hair in a high bun, yet allowed two strands either side of her face to drape down. After breakfast, she headed off to her new workplace.

Pandalé Industries, Coronet, Corellia
0730 Hours

In the centre of Coronet, an enormous building stood. A pillar of the local community. A jewel in the Corellian crown. Pandalé Industries.

It was still relatively early, so only a few cleaning droids could be seen through the transparisteel windows. Surely a senior management colleague would be about to have programmed the dutiful robotics to perform such tedious tasks.

To her right, the Arconan spotted a door entry system, similar to that at the aparthotel, a card scanner, and a buzzer with a speaker above it to talk into. Logically, she pressed the buzzer and awaited a response.

A few moments later, a series of crackling was heard alongside a muffled voice.

Suddenly it became clearer and audible.

“Pandalé Industries. We open at 0800 hours. Goodb…”

“Wait!” ‘Relena’ interrupted.

“I’m a new employee.”

"Umm… Ok. Scan your ID card and press your entire palm on the door handle. The door will open automatically. "

She did as requested. The door opening took her by surprise, causing a fall to the floor. Quickly dusting herself down and smoothing out her luscious hair, she looked around for the male voice that had helped her gain entry to this unknown business.

Out of the corner of her eye, ‘Relena’ spotted movement. A male was coming towards her. She held her breath, and as he got closer she was relieved to not spot any resemblance.

It was all just a coincidence.

The train of thought was interrupted abruptly.

“So you must be Miss Kutwol?”

She nodded.

“Follow me. I’ll take you to the boss. The brains behind this successful company.”

As the duo traipsed through the office suite area, ‘Relena’ glanced round at the desks with datapads and commlinks upon them and large flip charts with confusing, yet confidential data on them.

The unknown male knocked on the door in front of him. A deep accented response replied.

“Yes what is it? I’m very busy!”

“She’s arrived sir,”

“Oh in that case, let her in. I’ll just end this call.”

The Krath stood in front of a chair by the boss’s desk. He gestured for her to sit down, as he paced up and down wishing for the call to be over. Whilst he tried to get a word in edge ways, without making it obvious, ‘Relena’ concentrated on his appearance. The jet black hair was almost glossy in appearance, even though the edge strands were starting to fade and lose their colour. In profile he looked vaguely like her mother, yet she didn’t mention anything.

“Yes. Ok. Calm down Marie. Look I will pop home at lunch time and help you.”

The CEO moved his commlink aside.

“Sorry about this, Miss. Teenage daughters?! Who’d have them?” he mused

“Marissia Myflax. Listen to me. Don’t touch anything till I get home. One wrong calculation and you could cost me dearly!!”

'‘Relena’ looked up in shock.

Marissia Myflax was an old woman. More to the point, she was dead.

Raslak ended the call abruptly.

“Huh! Typical Myflax that girl of mine. Just like her namesake, my mother. Both so alike.”

The Alderaanian tried not to show signs of surprise at being face to face with her uncle. Luckily she successfully suppressed such emotions and pressed on with the task in hand and began trying to be productive.

“So where will I be stationed for work, boss?” she enquired.

“Here. Follow me. I’ll show you there myself.” Raslak announced, whilst rising from his seat to lead the way.

Pandalé Industries, Coronet, Corellia
0830 Hours

By now the office was buzzing with people and brimming with life. ‘Relena’ sat at her new desk and stared blankly at her work datapad blankly. It was requiring her to “log in” with a username and password. She frantically hunted around for some sort of clue. The puzzled female quickly solved the enigma, when she realised the answer had been in front of her all along. Once accessed, she began digging for any vital information while she “got attuned to the software”. Being her first day, ‘Relena’ wasn’t expected to actually do any work. She was merely asked to train herself to use the software and complete a series of online diagnostics. For now keeping herself to herself seemed like a good plan. Perhaps eavesdropping on her team would pay off.

Pandalé Industries, Coronet, Corellia
1420 Hours

“The boss really wants results. We need someone or somewhere to get insurance for. If figures decrease there will be no jobs for any of us.”

‘Relena’ overheard two employees’ worries.

“Don’t worry. Something will turn up. It always does. Maybe that new girl could be just what this company needs.”

His colleague nodded and smiled. They had nothing to worry about.

It was there and then she made her plan.

Aparthotel Schlafend, Coronet, Corellia
2200 Hours

‘Relena’ was finally tucked up in bed and put all her paperwork under the bed for the night.

The company figures were shocking. The file labelled “confidential” had looked ever so tempting. She had worked harder at her accommodation than at her new job. Already two days in and she had decided on how to complete the mission. It was going to take a few days to take effect. With that in mind the female pressed “send” on her commlink and fell fast asleep.

4 days later…

Pandalé Industries, Coronet, Corellia
1300 Hours

“There’s no nice way to say this team, but we are losing money… And fast.” Raslak explained.

The meeting room table was surrounded with sullen expressions.

“It would seem our rival competitors strive on our weaknesses and know just when to kick us hard.”

Everyone knew what Raslak was going to say, even before he said it.

“I can’t afford to keep all of you. So I’m going to have to let most of you go temporarily. I’m convinced that we have a leak in the system. Our figures look fiddled with and these false analogies have been forwarded to others.”

Accusations began flying round the table.

“It’s that new girl over there. She’s corrupted us. It’s obvious.” yelled one individual.

“Yes I overheard her.” another joined in.

‘Relena’ rose to her feet and glared at them all.

“I wouldn’t dare do such thing. Blaming the new girl is so cliché and far too easy. Of which I am neither. You got that Myflax?” she glared at the businessman at the head of the table.

Raslak found himself lost in her gaze.

“Agreed Miss Kutwol. You don’t even know where the confidential files and figures are kept.”

Her mind trick failed to disappoint. She glanced at the people sat in the boardroom, who too got lost in her gaze.

“That’s right. She wouldn’t know what to do, let alone who to report us to.”

“Enough squawking. I will keep Relena and Walvad, since they are the newest and oldest employees.” the boss stated stoically.

The boardroom hummed with disapproving grumbles, yet within minutes the ex-employees were colating their possessions from their desks. An aura of bitterness, anger and resentment loomed over Pandalé Industries as the doors were locked that night.

Aparthotel Schlafend, Coronet, Corellia
2130 Hours

‘Relena’ lay in the double bed all to herself and stared up at the ceiling. She had a smug and satisfied grin in her face. Her plan was working. Suddenly her face fell. She felt a pang of guilt for doing this to her family, since she was having flashbacks whenever she went to sleep of her grandmother. The Priestess soon realised something relevant.

This Raslak Myflax. He had never tried to trace anyone down. Besides he was arrogant and rude. He had saved her job, but only because he was forced to. He was just a constant reminder of Marissia Myflax.

The darkness within her began to take hold. Raslak Myflax and his precious business were going to perish.

A week passed…

Pandalé Industries, Coronet, Corellia
2045 Hours

The last week had been a whirlwind of issues. Ideas fell through. Figures were dropping. Raslak was beginning to give up hope. ‘Relena’ was feeling mightily proud of herself. Everything was slotting into place.

But then one fateful night, everything changed.

“What are we doing here so late?” ‘Relena’ enquired.

Raslak grinned disturbingly, causing the female present to shudder.

“Walvad might have saved the company!”

‘Relena’ swallowed hard.

“How has he managed that?”

“He’s the oldest and wisest associate of mine. I knew he wouldn’t let me down.”

The man of the hour waltzed in proudly.

“Come. Follow me. I’ve found a gold mine,”

Flixara Reservoir, Coronet, Corellia
2115 Hours

Walvad led his colleague and his boss to a large body of water.

“Here. This plot of land is huge and has so much potential. If we put a covenant on the land, we can protect it. And even if someone buys property here we will still have control.”

“Genius,” Raslak announced happily.

“Only problem is there’s a bit of water in the way.” he mused.

“Simple Myflax. We drain the reservoir. It’s not been used in years. It just sits there.”

The pair of males exchanged happy glances and greedily smirked at their latest project. ‘Relena’ was outraged. They couldn’t drain THAT reservoir. She couldn’t let it happen. And she wouldn’t.

As the two men stood admiring their new idea, ‘Relena’ removed her blaster from her left boot and callously shot at Walvad. With an eerie splash echoing, Raslak turned and faced the female.

“Whattt??!! Why??!!”

She just glared at him.

“Say hello to your mother!”

With another shot, and not allowing any time for questioning Raslak Myflax too was shot dead.

His lifeless body landed in the water with a second creepy splash and floated, adjacent to his friend in the moonlight.

The female calmly put her blaster back into its secret location and ran as fast as she could back to the workplace.

Pandalé Industries, Coronet, Corellia
2145 Hours

‘Relena’ posted her work datapad into the postbox, followed by a damp rag. With a sudden flicker, the rag protruding on the outside of the building was ignited. Within a short space of time, the entire building was alight.

As it burnt, the undercover Krath got out her personal datapad and took a photo of the building totally swamped by orange flames. Attached to the image she sent a short message.

“Mission completed”

[b]Aparthotel Schlafend, Coronet, Corellia
0745 Hours

‘Relena’ slept surprisingly soundly, yet awoke quite early. Hastily she messaged her spouse to expect her home later in the day. She packed up her belongings and went to check out of her accommodation. No one else was yet awake. The female at the desk filled her in with that there had been a fire overnight.

“Oh,” the Alderaanian uttered solemnly.

“Well looks like my work is done here.”

“Excuse me?” questioned the confused receptionist.

Grabbing her blaster, ‘Relena’ shot her also, causing her to flop forwards onto the desk in front of her.

After all, these things come in threes.

X-The End-X


Grade: Excellent (+3)

This was actually a rather difficult contract to grade, in all honesty. There were very few errors to speak of. Most (if not all) of these are something a proofreader or two could pick up on. Such as misplacing a comma with a period, etc. I will go deeper into the details in the most glaring errors that stood out to me below. In all honesty, with a good proofreader, I could easily see you pulling off a perfect score in the Contract Bureau. Your story flows very well, it captivates the reader and keeps them entertained for the duration.

In some cases, it seems like you suffer from a writing issue I had early on in my DB career. Your tendency to skip from scene to scene rapidly makes it difficult to get a good feel for your writing and it could use more detail in places.

Now, moving on to the glaring errors I spoke of earlier.

Now sat down, just outside the slightly claustrophobic, and seemingly stuffy office belonging to her Onderonian friend, she could actually concentrate.

This whole sentence can be restructured and flow perfectly. For example:

Now that she had taken a seat outside of the somewhat claustrophobic office of her friend, the Krath could actually concentrate on the mission itself.

Once on the fourth floor, the Priestess soon realised odd numbers were on the left hand side of the corridor, and even ones on the right. In the search for her room she noticed an oddity. The odd numbered side went from room eleven to fifteen.

Frakking triskaidekaphobic Corellians.

For those who are unaware, this is the ‘fear of the number thirteen’. Which I think is very stupid. Extra points (not really, but my respect numbers go up) go to Kooki. Kudos. :slight_smile:

“Yes. Ok. Calm down Marie. Look I will pop home at lunch time and help you.”

For future reference, when you use the word ‘okay’, write out the whole thing. It tends to distract your target audience from the story itself.

‘Relena’ sat at her new desk and stared blankly at her work datapad blankly.

For now keeping herself to herself seemed like a good plan.

The two of the above comments are perfect examples of what I meant about getting more than one proofreader, if possible. In the first sentence, for example, the second ‘blankly’ can be removed and it still makes sense.

Her mind trick failed to disappoint. She glanced at the people sat in the boardroom, who too got lost in her gaze.

This is less of a technical issue and more of a personal preference when it comes to writing. Wally refers to this as his ‘show, not tell’ policy - basically, write out your character manipulating the Force and the person falling to the Mind Trick, rather than simply stating mind trick.

Overall, very well done. Few do this well on their first contract. I look forward to seeing what you can do in future fictional tasks. :slight_smile: