[Odan-Urr] Grant a Wish

It’s Life Day/Sithmas and things are busy for Space Santa. So they’ve made you one of their helpers and let you grant the wish of the post above you! But you are only an apprentice and make some mistakes. Post your wish in the Discord thread and let the hilarity begin!

This is how you play:

You read the wish in the post above you and reply with “Granted but…”. + your own wish.

Example:

Previous post: I wish I had 1 billion dollar!
Granted but you can only spend it on paperclips.

I wish I had a car.

Some basics rules: Each person cannot post back-to-back, but must wait for someone else to post before he can reply. Feel free to submit as many replies as you want.

The winner will be chosen according to creativity and hilarity, and no Clusters of Ice will be awarded for participation.

I wish I had a million porgs!

Sure, but they’re dead.

I wish I had Arnold Schwarzenegger as my best friend.

Granted but he always leaves, saying “I’ll be back” but never comes back.

As for the porgs, I can eat them if they are dead!

For my wish:
I wish that I could spend 1 billion dollars on the best ship.

Granted but it needs another billion dollars in repairs.

My wish: I had the time to cook more for myself.

Granted, But you also must cook for 15,000 homeless people in your country.

My Wish: I wish that I had more time to spend with my family.

Granted, But you must take the form of a doggo.

I wish I had more lightsabers.

Granted, but they all function as such:

I wish I could make my own lightsabers.

(edits were just trying to fix the image link)

Granted, but they are always hot pink no matter what you do.

I wish I could create black holes

Granted, but they suck in a random piece of clothing you’re wearing every time you create one.

I wish I had robot legs.

Granted, but the are rusted and need lots of oil in their joints.

I wish I had brand new armor.

Granted, but it comes with boobplate.

I wish I could fly.

Granted, but you are propelled by sneezing.

I wish to sleep

Granted, but to wake up you have to be kissed/licked by one of those beast animals from the original Stargate movie.

I wish for a million wishes!

Granted! I wish there was an endless supply of Ice cream

Granted, but it is only vanilla.

I wish that this thread had twice as many posts in it.

Granted, but they are in Korean from a spam bot.

I wish more people would join in the fun in this thread!

Granted, but they are silent participants.

I wish there was a greater variety of Jedi robes to choose from.

Granted, but they only come with skinny jeans.

I wish there were 500,000 alive jedi.

Granted, but they’ve all fallen ill and its in your hands to save as many as possible.

I wish I knew everything there was to know as a beginner…

Granted, but you would forget major chunks on a weekly basis in perpetuity.

I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish was a baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her.

Granted, but the effects of this reverses at the most inopportune moments.

I wish that Odan-Urr had a third House.

Granted, but it’s just Hoth renamed “House Third.”

I wish I had some decent coffee right now.

Granted, but you have to refer to coffee as covfefe for the rest of your life.

I wish it was Spring.

Granted, but it lasts merely for an hour, followed by a two year winter.

I wish for copious amounts of salt.